Giving Hope to the Kids

Yesterday, I had the first pleasure of presenting Bravery Project to the Black Canyon School, which is really a euphemism because it's a detention center/school/church/living grounds for girls between 13-17 years of age.


It was also their first because they never hosted a Take Back the Night (TBTN) event before. TBTN for those who don't know is a protest on violence against women that started back in England during the 1800's. The news would report rape, murder, and violence on women after dark on a regular basis. Well, it pissed them off and they decided to join together in street marches, which has now become a world wide phenomenom.

On a local level, Black Canyon included several organizations to come and present to the girls information such as definitions on domestic violence, date rape, how to get help, etc. The girls were smart. Very few myths were supported in this group, which means that awareness is improving. There were, however, individuals who believe that "men just can't control themselves" or "he loves me" type thoughts that keep the cycle going.

Bravery Project was last and showed them the portraits and read the stories of survivors. I tried to focus on the recovery of hardship and teach them that everyone has been a victim of something in life and there is no shame in that. Only lessons that we apply and use to help ourselves and others. I explained the portrait process and how each individual shares a message that teaches and inspires. After talking about adding teen stories to the series, 20 or more hands went up wanting to have portraits done.

You see, these girls are children and Black Canyon is the end of the line. It's the place they arrive after the counties are through with them; the place they stay before the "big time." These are the ones from the entire state of Arizona. I looked into these young faces, some 13 years old, and found it hard to see they were already mothers, drug addicts, gang members, and murderers. They are hardened as much as a kids can be after suffering rapes, domestic abuse, street life, and neglect, but for a short period of time, they were simply giggly kids eager to learn and participate in activities that provided hope and inspiration.

Maybe today, as a new day with strict rules, schedules and the normal drull, we left them with a message that they are not worthless troublemakers, there are people out there to turn to for help, and they can overcome.

I can only hope that events like TBTN can continue because this is the kind of experience these girls need. Funny how we hope for them to have hope for themselves. Hope is a great thing, but action makes all the difference.

Take Back the Night

Bravery Project Website Is Here

It took me untold hours, sleepless nights, and hubby comforts (no he isn't a web-widow) to get the website redesign accomplished. I was fortunate enough to obtain a free account through grassroots.org with an amazing hosting package that offers complete creative control, which also means I get to fix all the booboos. If you have a 501c3 nonprofit, I encourage you to check them out. They offer volunteers to do your web design plus much more.

This new website is more interactive with lots of additional information. An important requirement is total transparency, so we are publishing our 990 filings with the IRS along with budgets (once we finalize them) for our Evening of the Arts event coming up in November.

If you prefer to just look at the cool stuff: the gallery has a whole new look with an image magnifier on each portrait so you can see it up close. The commission page has interactive slideshows of three of the pastel portraits so you can see progressive stages of development. I plan to add more to this library in the future. (NOTE: There is a 114 error message bug showing up with the Explorer browser. Don't be alarmed;its nothing, just a bug with the flash program and IE. I am working on a fix.)

Soon the Community Connection will be up for you to join as a member along with a host of other new ideas in the works. So, take a look, browse, linger, and email a webpage (buttons for this are available on the Gallery, Merchandise, and Commission pages) to someone else and help us spread the message of Bravery.

Bravery Project Website
Grassroots

Why She Doesn't Leave-A Reason

A burning and most important question about domestic abuse is "Why doesn't she leave him?" Working with many survivors in Bravery, I've learned the reasons. They are complicated and many, but not publicized well. Usually we see the aftermath of a turbulent relationship in the form of bruises, tears, and pain. That makes it easy to stand away and say, "I would never stay in a relationship with someone like that. Why doesn't she leave him?" A logical response.

What we don't see are the invisible bruises and the compassion. The intermittent moments of peace, promises, and constant hope. Abusers will use pets, family, and especially children to retain control over their victims, but the most effective strategy is persuasion.

In response to the highly public story about Rihanna and Chris Brown, a very brave journalist, Leonard Pitts, came forward with his personal story of his abusive father and wrote an insightful and spot on example of "why she doesn't leave." You see, seven year old Leonard didn't realize that his father was manipulating him. His father beat his mother, and a few days had passed to let the dust settle. Dad wanted to come home and "pleaded his case through the mail slot, promising to do better, promising to change." Leonard cried and wanted his father to come home, but was told "I want to, but your mother won't let me." Eventually he did come home.

Mr. Pitts explains regret on his part of persuading mom to let in dad, but it's very natural for a child to want his parents to stay together. In a society driven by "family," it would be natural for the mother to do what she can to keep the family together as well, even at the risk of her life.

Most of the stories in the Bravery Project express how wonderful he was at first, his gifts and pleas for forgiveness, the happy times in the relationship, the promises of stopping the abuse and getting help. Why doesn't she leave him? Because she trusts, she believes, she wants to help him get well, she loves this side of him, she wants her children to have a father.

Mr. Pitts uses his own example to extend a message to Rihanna that he is aware of what Chris did to her, but also that he understands why she went back to him, much to the dismay of the public. "It is the classic behavior of a battered woman," he writes. "They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one-time thing. They tell themselves lies...evasions and rationalizations."

Leonard Pitts- Letter to Rihanna: Please think again

Time is of the Essence

It's with bitter-sweet emotions that I write this post. You may have noticed that posts have been reduced to every two weeks this year. That's because there is a lot of work to do and less time to get things done. At least it seems that way. We all know how quickly the hours in a day disappear beneath the heaping loads of To Do Lists. Everyone of us is gifted with the same 24 hours in a day and usually take for granted that we have another tomorrow...that the sun will rise once again.

My gift of time over this last weekend gave me a couple of lessons in priorities about life and death. A good friend of mine, Steve, is dying of prostate cancer. When speaking to him three days ago on Wed, I learned that he was in hospice and drugged quite heavily. I wanted to visit him that evening, but thought for sure I had the time to squeeze a visit into a super busy weekend. My husband and I had house guests from out of town on Thursday to stay with us over the weekend. I had a Bravery showing at a big fundraiser event for Hands of Hope for You on Friday evening to prepare for and execute. Amongst it all, Tim and I were celebrating our anniversary Sat/Sunday. Why am I telling you all this? Because during this hubbub of activity, I tried to get a hold of Steve during the weekend, only to find that he could no longer speak. This troubled me deeply because I wanted to see him, talk to him, ask my burning questions about his military days and his photo shoots with celebrities at the Emmys, and let him know what a dear soul he was to me. Unbeknownst to everyone, the cancer took him over so quickly that he never made it past the hospital emergency room. He had gone straight into hospice care and I had waited too long.

How quickly lives can change in a couple of days or even a couple of months. The fundraiser dinner at Hands of Hope for You was lovely with great music, food, and wonderful speakers. I learned that a new shelter is in the works to help women and children. I was also surprised to learn that the Executive Director, Carrie, had started building this organization last October, only 5 months ago, wow. The evening brought in funds, even in an economic downturn. Carrie mentioned how people were questioning the timing of the event, but she understands that people need help NOW, not just when we are comfortable with the economy. In spite of concerns, the night was a great success and I was very happy to share Bravery Project.

Carrie reminded me that NOW is always the best time to get involved, regardless of external forces. People need to work together now. People need help now. We all know there are important things we put off for very good reasons and we guilt ourselves over it. I know because I did that with my friend Steve. I went through my guilt stage, immediately got myself out the door and went to visit him at hospice.

Amazingly enough, Steve acknowledged my presence and I got to give him my love and goodbyes. There were several people there, including one of Steve's best buddies from Florida. It so happened that this friend, I'll call him J, has a sister who is living in an abusive marriage, and he didn't know what to do. Because of Bravery and the amazing people I've met along the way, I was able to give J sound advice on how to help her. Without a word, it was like my buddy Steve had somehow brought me and J together so we could help another person in crisis.

Steve told me quite a while ago that he was ready to go. He was already at peace with himself. It was I that needed the peace with his pending death. I got that and so much more--the opportunity to help someone in need. So my personal lesson can be one for you: Don't expect to have that tomorrow and put things off that need action now, especially when it comes to people. Don't guilt yourself over what you could have done and didn't...do something now regardless of what others say can or cannot be done. Twenty-four hours in a day doesn't seem like a lot and it really isn't, but there is so much that can happen in that time. Lives can change in seconds.

Hands of Hope for You
Steve Gladysz Photography (Steve is the one who took my latest photos that you see in my blog posts. He is so talented. )

Where Do Your Taxes Go?

A politician recently said, to stimulate the economy, let's have every worker NOT pay ANY taxes for two whole months. They would have hundreds of dollars in their pockets to pay down bills, save, or spend instead of receiving "stimulus" checks of tax borrowed money. Business would love it because they wouldn't have payroll taxes; employees would love it because they don't pay income tax; the government should love it because it's an immediate boost to the economy without the added millions it costs to collect taxes and process the "stimulus checks" and mail them back to us. (Oh but wait, that would create jobs, right?) Sounds like a winner...but here's a catch.

If we suddenly saw just how big our checks are without taxes, it would be such a shock. There is a kind of psychology at work when you have gradual increases in taxes taken out of your check a little at time rather than have your total income all year long and then have to pay a gigantic bill at the end of the year. It would be like paying for a car all at once for some people. Taking a little at a time is much easier. Plus having control of ALL your hard earned money, might wake people up to ask questions about where in the world is all this tax money going?

So...let's ask the question. Where in the world is all your tax money going? I have no clue...do you? Our new President is about ready to sign over a 787 billion dollar spending package that serves double duty to keep programs and "private" business afloat, while creating jobs in the energy efficient programs that he promised during his campaign. What about the $250 mil delegated to Hollywood for movies or $30mil going towards studying a mouse, or...you get the picture. Take it further and look at the evidence: The banks who took the TARP bailout a few months ago refuse to tell the public where they are spent the cash. Are we asleep here?

Take national down to state level and you will read an article about Arizona CPS workers being laid off and forced on furlough for three days, while the children go unprotected. The state asked for an 11% cut in CPS. Yes, things are tough, but I would have gladly gone without my Arizona Commission on the Arts grant I recently won if the money would have kept CPS open for three more days. The safety of abused children is way more important, but unfortunately, CPS is a business and the bottom lines are more important than lives.

You as the tax paying citizen are customers of the government. They are paid by you and they work for you, yet no one I know of can account for where the money we pay goes. A quick search online led me to lots of websites that explain percentages of Arizona tax revenues, but absolutely nothing on what Arizona programs are supported by us, the customer. I encourage you to try and find out. If you find any websites with valid resources to provide financial transparency in Arizona, please send them my way. The more we know about this, the more influence we will have in saving and improving lives...the important stuff.



State Tax Breakdown (2005)
Who is Left to Protect the Children?
End of Bailout Transparency Already?
A Guide to Bailout Transparency Sites
$246 Mil for Hollywood
$30Mil for SanFrancisco Mouse