Bravery Project Website Is Here

It took me untold hours, sleepless nights, and hubby comforts (no he isn't a web-widow) to get the website redesign accomplished. I was fortunate enough to obtain a free account through grassroots.org with an amazing hosting package that offers complete creative control, which also means I get to fix all the booboos. If you have a 501c3 nonprofit, I encourage you to check them out. They offer volunteers to do your web design plus much more.

This new website is more interactive with lots of additional information. An important requirement is total transparency, so we are publishing our 990 filings with the IRS along with budgets (once we finalize them) for our Evening of the Arts event coming up in November.

If you prefer to just look at the cool stuff: the gallery has a whole new look with an image magnifier on each portrait so you can see it up close. The commission page has interactive slideshows of three of the pastel portraits so you can see progressive stages of development. I plan to add more to this library in the future. (NOTE: There is a 114 error message bug showing up with the Explorer browser. Don't be alarmed;its nothing, just a bug with the flash program and IE. I am working on a fix.)

Soon the Community Connection will be up for you to join as a member along with a host of other new ideas in the works. So, take a look, browse, linger, and email a webpage (buttons for this are available on the Gallery, Merchandise, and Commission pages) to someone else and help us spread the message of Bravery.

Bravery Project Website
Grassroots

Why She Doesn't Leave-A Reason

A burning and most important question about domestic abuse is "Why doesn't she leave him?" Working with many survivors in Bravery, I've learned the reasons. They are complicated and many, but not publicized well. Usually we see the aftermath of a turbulent relationship in the form of bruises, tears, and pain. That makes it easy to stand away and say, "I would never stay in a relationship with someone like that. Why doesn't she leave him?" A logical response.

What we don't see are the invisible bruises and the compassion. The intermittent moments of peace, promises, and constant hope. Abusers will use pets, family, and especially children to retain control over their victims, but the most effective strategy is persuasion.

In response to the highly public story about Rihanna and Chris Brown, a very brave journalist, Leonard Pitts, came forward with his personal story of his abusive father and wrote an insightful and spot on example of "why she doesn't leave." You see, seven year old Leonard didn't realize that his father was manipulating him. His father beat his mother, and a few days had passed to let the dust settle. Dad wanted to come home and "pleaded his case through the mail slot, promising to do better, promising to change." Leonard cried and wanted his father to come home, but was told "I want to, but your mother won't let me." Eventually he did come home.

Mr. Pitts explains regret on his part of persuading mom to let in dad, but it's very natural for a child to want his parents to stay together. In a society driven by "family," it would be natural for the mother to do what she can to keep the family together as well, even at the risk of her life.

Most of the stories in the Bravery Project express how wonderful he was at first, his gifts and pleas for forgiveness, the happy times in the relationship, the promises of stopping the abuse and getting help. Why doesn't she leave him? Because she trusts, she believes, she wants to help him get well, she loves this side of him, she wants her children to have a father.

Mr. Pitts uses his own example to extend a message to Rihanna that he is aware of what Chris did to her, but also that he understands why she went back to him, much to the dismay of the public. "It is the classic behavior of a battered woman," he writes. "They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one-time thing. They tell themselves lies...evasions and rationalizations."

Leonard Pitts- Letter to Rihanna: Please think again

Time is of the Essence

It's with bitter-sweet emotions that I write this post. You may have noticed that posts have been reduced to every two weeks this year. That's because there is a lot of work to do and less time to get things done. At least it seems that way. We all know how quickly the hours in a day disappear beneath the heaping loads of To Do Lists. Everyone of us is gifted with the same 24 hours in a day and usually take for granted that we have another tomorrow...that the sun will rise once again.

My gift of time over this last weekend gave me a couple of lessons in priorities about life and death. A good friend of mine, Steve, is dying of prostate cancer. When speaking to him three days ago on Wed, I learned that he was in hospice and drugged quite heavily. I wanted to visit him that evening, but thought for sure I had the time to squeeze a visit into a super busy weekend. My husband and I had house guests from out of town on Thursday to stay with us over the weekend. I had a Bravery showing at a big fundraiser event for Hands of Hope for You on Friday evening to prepare for and execute. Amongst it all, Tim and I were celebrating our anniversary Sat/Sunday. Why am I telling you all this? Because during this hubbub of activity, I tried to get a hold of Steve during the weekend, only to find that he could no longer speak. This troubled me deeply because I wanted to see him, talk to him, ask my burning questions about his military days and his photo shoots with celebrities at the Emmys, and let him know what a dear soul he was to me. Unbeknownst to everyone, the cancer took him over so quickly that he never made it past the hospital emergency room. He had gone straight into hospice care and I had waited too long.

How quickly lives can change in a couple of days or even a couple of months. The fundraiser dinner at Hands of Hope for You was lovely with great music, food, and wonderful speakers. I learned that a new shelter is in the works to help women and children. I was also surprised to learn that the Executive Director, Carrie, had started building this organization last October, only 5 months ago, wow. The evening brought in funds, even in an economic downturn. Carrie mentioned how people were questioning the timing of the event, but she understands that people need help NOW, not just when we are comfortable with the economy. In spite of concerns, the night was a great success and I was very happy to share Bravery Project.

Carrie reminded me that NOW is always the best time to get involved, regardless of external forces. People need to work together now. People need help now. We all know there are important things we put off for very good reasons and we guilt ourselves over it. I know because I did that with my friend Steve. I went through my guilt stage, immediately got myself out the door and went to visit him at hospice.

Amazingly enough, Steve acknowledged my presence and I got to give him my love and goodbyes. There were several people there, including one of Steve's best buddies from Florida. It so happened that this friend, I'll call him J, has a sister who is living in an abusive marriage, and he didn't know what to do. Because of Bravery and the amazing people I've met along the way, I was able to give J sound advice on how to help her. Without a word, it was like my buddy Steve had somehow brought me and J together so we could help another person in crisis.

Steve told me quite a while ago that he was ready to go. He was already at peace with himself. It was I that needed the peace with his pending death. I got that and so much more--the opportunity to help someone in need. So my personal lesson can be one for you: Don't expect to have that tomorrow and put things off that need action now, especially when it comes to people. Don't guilt yourself over what you could have done and didn't...do something now regardless of what others say can or cannot be done. Twenty-four hours in a day doesn't seem like a lot and it really isn't, but there is so much that can happen in that time. Lives can change in seconds.

Hands of Hope for You
Steve Gladysz Photography (Steve is the one who took my latest photos that you see in my blog posts. He is so talented. )